With your hands between your thighs and smile

"i couldnt stay away i couldnt fight it id hoped youd see my face and that youd be reminded that for me it isnt over yet.. nothing compares no worries or cares regrets and mistakes that memories make who would have known how bitter sweet this would taste"

Sorry love but no, sometimes it does hurt instead. And that's better. That's living, that's being alive. This world is strange in so many ways but do we fade into it and give in to it or readjust ourselves and enjoy the small pleasures it gives. I'm going back to 505, fucking enjoy it. Let go. LIVE! I did the last time I checked. I love this, I love NOW, not (then). I crumble completely when you cry, but not any more. 

Sorry about you.

You gave me all

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Dp1fhUk_hw&feature=fvst

This has been a song I listen to for about 3 years now. It reminds me of who I am, it grounds me and I have no idea why. It is a song I forget about and when I hear it my heart bleeds diamands. I am rich inside and I know it, there is no escape like a song once loved and remembered. Sometimes I need grounding, I get so worried about the outside. I am a recluse, I love my heart, I love lying in sheets of gold and writing. I read and write, it's all I know. It's all I want. 

''love was a private party, and no one got on the guest list.''

PAINT IT BLACK-by Janet Fitch: MY FAVOURITE BOOK IN THE WHOLE WORLD.. Just came in the post today. I was meant to wait till Christmas but I just Can't. And it's so so pretty, the one I had was paperback with a girl smoking(a picture I painted many times) BUT this one is hardback. It's just white, with the title and authors name on the binding in black.. It's beautiful. Just like the book itself. I was devastated when my last copy disappeared off the face of the planet. I searched everywhere, I was like a crazed person. I had it for two years and I read at least one section of it everyday. I had all my favourite parts underlined and I just loved it with all my heart. This book was more important to me than any expensive piece of jewellery I own, more important then all my clothes. It's more important than anything I have ever owned.
It's such a sad story but provides so much hope and I fell in love with Josie, the main character. She is beautiful, I know she is. Everyone should read this book, but maybe no one else will love it like me. I don't mind though, this book helped me through a lot and I will keep this copy safe forever.

This is the copy I used to have.

Come to me any time you want

I got a job! Hurrah Hurray, I'm a lovely waitress. I actually love the work and the people I work with are so kind. I couldn't be happier.

Well maybe I could be, I don't love the snow like everyone else on facebook. I know a lot of people find it alluring and want to play in it but I'm not one of them people. Maybe I'm just a pesamistic old goat but it's cold, it's wet and it hurts my ears and nose. It is beautiful, it makes me want to frolic, but from a window I will dance, I will dance where my ears won't ache to my jaw and my hands don't have to be wrapped in gloves for protection. I am a little person who feels the cold so suddenly, I have no protection except layer upon layer of unnecessary clothing. It's not flattering, it's not pretty. 

I did love the purple lightning, I was in town sozzled walking to doyles apres the twister pepper when it happened. Everything was dark and then BOOM everything is purple, it was beautiful. It could have been one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen, it was so frightening and unexpected. I've never seen anything like it. Then came the thunder, everyone screamed. It seemed two feet away, it went on forever. 

On the night-link home it started to snow. After a few more blasts of thunder and the marvellous purple lightning. We all were so happy. I thought it would only be a small shower but when we got off the bus the main street was covered, we were the first to put out feet into the freezing earth(seeing as it was half five in the morning). I felt slightly hungover and ecstatic. 

Boo

N'AWW

Freja Beha Erichsen-my love

I just realised, people looking at images on this will probably think I'm a les but I like the composition of the photos, the ideas and the focus. Also the models in them. Oh I love vogue photography, always so beautiful. I never want to be a photographer, I just believe photographs are actually art. Just like one of my paintings. The mind can work in mysterious ways, mine is a mind of exploration and unanswered questions. Some day it will be a mind filled with knowledge and answers, I await that day but not with anticipation. I love Freja Beha, she is one of the beauties in this world, she is a muse. I paint faces, I paint identities, she isn't afraid to show hers through modelling, she captures the world in all it's promises. I could upload a million photo's of her, I'll randomly select a few.

who would have known how bitter sweet this would taste?

I want a love like this

I've lost all my air

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gj4UjGZLlA

Now I see you lying there, like a lilo loosing air

Jesus' disciples.

Hi, I'm Ellen. I should have done this part first but I forgot. I like nice people but not everyone is nice. I am small but it's okay. I'm blonde but not a bombshell. I like flowers and big hair. Being sad is not an option so I surround myself with nice people, flowers and big hair. People have let me down a lot but I move past this and get on.

Yellow Rotten Teeth

Realising that people are not who they say they are is one of the hardest things a person can go through. The betrayal is something that can't just disappear. I'm lucky to have such wonderful friends who I love so much. I don't tell them enough but I'm pretty sure they know. I just want to have a good time, I just want to enjoy the world and the possibilities it beholds.

Beautiful people with beautiful faces. 

I'm new, I'm not a pretentious idiot, I just have a lot of time, thoughts and I need a vent.  

I want a place where my dreams can be my reality and I can escape these four walls.